I think one of the things I'm most thankful for here is that I still have the opportunity to teach. Honestly, I'm sitting here trying to imagine what else I could be doing and it scares me a little bit. I think that I'd lose a bit of myself if I wasn't teaching. Don't get me wrong, the students have definitely tested my patience and the class has practiced "silence" many times, but at the end of the day, there is no job I'd rather have.
I think that the hardest thing about teaching is that you have to be vulnerable You have to be willing to get up each morning being prepared to pour all your energy, all your patience, all your love and all of your knowledge into the students and you have to stand up in front of the students knowing that sometimes everything you have won't be enough. There are days where I don't have the patience to answer the 20th question on the homework assignment, talk to the frustrated parent or deal with the crying kid, the kid who bullied him and maintain the class at the same time. \
I remember the first time, I realized I didn't have it altogether and a little panic set in, but then I remembered that I don't have to have it altogether and when I fall, I've got a God who says "I've got this, give all you've got and don't be afraid, because I will refill you." I love those moments, because I'm reminded of God's presence because I can tell you if it were me, I'd be crying at my desk or running around the room screaming. There are times when I cry out, "I've got nothing." and God answers, "But I've got something."
I also think teaching students, teaches me a lot about my relationship with God, while actually more about my own stupidity when I approach God is similar to how some of the students approach me. I am very humbled when I see students who try to be really sneaky thinking that I won't see what they are doing. They think if they are low to the ground or scoot across the floor I won't see them. Sometimes I think God must laugh at us like I laugh at my students' attempts to hide from me.
Also, occasionally my students don't trust my directions and try to do it their way and then they fail miserably and get even more confused. An exasperated me tries to untie all their mistakes, but then I've reminded of all the times I've tried to do the same thing with God and well it has turned out the exact same way.
I love teaching though with all my heart and I live for those moments when the student finally realizes that he can do it. I love seeing his face slowly change when he solved the problem that had been giving him trouble and actually I think I screamed for joy out loud yesterday when the student I tutored finally mastered a concept we had been working on for a while. Yes, he jumped a little bit, but if I can scream for my sports team, I'm definitely screaming for my student. He approached me today for the first time for a hug and it is moments like that which make it all worth it to get up the next day and do it all over again.
So, I guess what I want to say almost two months into the Dominican Republic is I love being in a new environment and meeting new people, seeing new places and trying new adventures, but I'm also thankful that my job stayed the same and I get to keep that part of me that is more comfortable dancing to Silly Songs with Larry with 9 year olds than surrounded by people my own age at a party. I thank God each day for those 15 little bodies who drive me up a wall, but who I wouldn't trade for the world.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Blessings from the DR
God is good and I just don't get it. There have been so many times here when the exact thing I prayed for, the exact thing I desperately needed God provided in a way that exceeded all my expectations. And also there have been things I didn't pray for, that God decided to grant me anyway. Sometimes I feel like screaming at the sky," I know that was you God, but I don't deserve it, none of it." It still astounds me that when we pray, when we fall to our knees, the most powerful being is willing to answer some of our most superficial needs. Honestly, in order to survive, I don't need friends or a good place to live or even the ability to talk to my parents, but God has granted me these things and so much beyond. I'm so thankful that the thousands of times I mess up and the times I ignore God, he still helps me. There is such security and courage knowing that the troubles we face in this world can never overwhelm a God who loves us.
So, I've decided to make a list of blessings, or at least some of the blessings, that God has granted me, though none of them I deserved. I think living in such a cause and effect world, it is so hard to understand why God would give so many beautiful and perfect gifts even when we neglect to pray or read the Bible.
1.My parents' encouragement and their willingness to be there for me no matter what- The first couple of days were hard to adjust to a brand new life and I am so, so thankful for my parents. Hearing their familiar voices always makes my heart smile and even my Dad's sad little jokes are a (little) funnier thousands of miles away. I am so blessed with two amazing Godly parents as role models. I love that they support me and are backing me 100% and I feel so much more confident knowing that at the end of the day, my parents will laugh with me, cry with me, pray with and of course send me oyster crackers in the mail.
2. Having a great class-My students are already finding a way to sneak into my heart. I love the way they attempt to say "Nussbaum" like "Miss Nussbumps" and how they insist on giving hugs every time they see me. I love the way they grab their desks and push them right up against mine as their sneaky way to ask for help without saying the words and I love how they quietly sing "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" under their breaths during transitions. I love how easily they forgive and easily they love and how honest they are. Sometimes I think the adults should go to school and learn from the students.
3. Opportunities to attempt to speak Spanish-I'm thankful for the opportunities to work on my Spanish and I'm very thankful for the people on the other end of the conversation. I'm thankful for their lies of "you speak Spanish very well" and I'm thankful for their patience as we struggle through a conversation. I especially love practicing Spanish with people who aren't fluent in English...that way I feel slightly less of an idiot because I feel like we understand the difficulties together.
4. I'm thankful for the people here- I honestly never expected to meet so many great people here so soon. It sounds kind of depressing, but I whole heartedly believed I would be a lonely mess the first couple months here and was all prepared to eat my fair share of Oyster crackers and watch movies.God though, put people in my life already who are some of the nicest, most selfless people I've ever met. They are willing to help me find places around town, meet for dinner, play sports together and even listen to all of my awkward stories. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them and the way they've made me already feel at home here in this brand new country.
5. Skype dates with my little niece-I think it is hard to top seeing my little two year old niece on Skype as she says "Ta! Watch this! Ta, where you at?" She is so sweet and one of the greatest blessings in my life. I also love talking to my sister and am so excited to meet my little nephew come October.
6. New cooking opportunities-I am actually so excited to try out new recipes and experiment with cooking. Some of the experiments of course haven't turned out, but I just learned how to light the stove, so cookies here we come!!
7. Friends back home-I don't know what I'd do without them. Thank you for keeping me updated about life back in the States. I especially have to thank Miss Courtney O'Shaughnessy for being a blessing in my life for the past 6 years. I love how we are basically the same person and I love how I can tell you anything and everything. I can't tell you how many times I'm so thankful that God put us together in that Spanish class, granted one seat away from each other. I'm so glad that you are just as awkward as me, so that when I meet my awkward quota for the day, 10 minutes after waking up I know someone understands me.
8. God's presence- I've been so humbled by the countless reminders of God's presence. I have a sense of security and peace that is not my own. I feel like I can rest, knowing that I don't have to have my plans perfect because I'm not in control and I don't have to be. I'm so, so thankful, that when my energies run out, when I come to the end of my rope and I have nothing else to give, God provides.
Often people say it is hard to be a Christian because of all the rules and regulations, but I disagree. I think life would be so much harder without God. What would I do when I came to the end of my rope like I do countless times? Where could I possibly turn? It literally scares me to think of a life without God, a life where He wasn't there. There are things I will not do because of my beliefs, but there are so many more things that I can do because of them. I can cry out for help, I can trust, I can have peace and security even in the midst of troubles. I'm so thankful for the reminders that the relationship with God is more valuable than anything I could ever name and though I fail a thousand times He still lifts me up and holds me and reminds me that He is there.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself,' the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."' -Lamentations 3:22-24
So, I've decided to make a list of blessings, or at least some of the blessings, that God has granted me, though none of them I deserved. I think living in such a cause and effect world, it is so hard to understand why God would give so many beautiful and perfect gifts even when we neglect to pray or read the Bible.
1.My parents' encouragement and their willingness to be there for me no matter what- The first couple of days were hard to adjust to a brand new life and I am so, so thankful for my parents. Hearing their familiar voices always makes my heart smile and even my Dad's sad little jokes are a (little) funnier thousands of miles away. I am so blessed with two amazing Godly parents as role models. I love that they support me and are backing me 100% and I feel so much more confident knowing that at the end of the day, my parents will laugh with me, cry with me, pray with and of course send me oyster crackers in the mail.
2. Having a great class-My students are already finding a way to sneak into my heart. I love the way they attempt to say "Nussbaum" like "Miss Nussbumps" and how they insist on giving hugs every time they see me. I love the way they grab their desks and push them right up against mine as their sneaky way to ask for help without saying the words and I love how they quietly sing "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" under their breaths during transitions. I love how easily they forgive and easily they love and how honest they are. Sometimes I think the adults should go to school and learn from the students.
3. Opportunities to attempt to speak Spanish-I'm thankful for the opportunities to work on my Spanish and I'm very thankful for the people on the other end of the conversation. I'm thankful for their lies of "you speak Spanish very well" and I'm thankful for their patience as we struggle through a conversation. I especially love practicing Spanish with people who aren't fluent in English...that way I feel slightly less of an idiot because I feel like we understand the difficulties together.
4. I'm thankful for the people here- I honestly never expected to meet so many great people here so soon. It sounds kind of depressing, but I whole heartedly believed I would be a lonely mess the first couple months here and was all prepared to eat my fair share of Oyster crackers and watch movies.God though, put people in my life already who are some of the nicest, most selfless people I've ever met. They are willing to help me find places around town, meet for dinner, play sports together and even listen to all of my awkward stories. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them and the way they've made me already feel at home here in this brand new country.
5. Skype dates with my little niece-I think it is hard to top seeing my little two year old niece on Skype as she says "Ta! Watch this! Ta, where you at?" She is so sweet and one of the greatest blessings in my life. I also love talking to my sister and am so excited to meet my little nephew come October.
6. New cooking opportunities-I am actually so excited to try out new recipes and experiment with cooking. Some of the experiments of course haven't turned out, but I just learned how to light the stove, so cookies here we come!!
7. Friends back home-I don't know what I'd do without them. Thank you for keeping me updated about life back in the States. I especially have to thank Miss Courtney O'Shaughnessy for being a blessing in my life for the past 6 years. I love how we are basically the same person and I love how I can tell you anything and everything. I can't tell you how many times I'm so thankful that God put us together in that Spanish class, granted one seat away from each other. I'm so glad that you are just as awkward as me, so that when I meet my awkward quota for the day, 10 minutes after waking up I know someone understands me.
8. God's presence- I've been so humbled by the countless reminders of God's presence. I have a sense of security and peace that is not my own. I feel like I can rest, knowing that I don't have to have my plans perfect because I'm not in control and I don't have to be. I'm so, so thankful, that when my energies run out, when I come to the end of my rope and I have nothing else to give, God provides.
Often people say it is hard to be a Christian because of all the rules and regulations, but I disagree. I think life would be so much harder without God. What would I do when I came to the end of my rope like I do countless times? Where could I possibly turn? It literally scares me to think of a life without God, a life where He wasn't there. There are things I will not do because of my beliefs, but there are so many more things that I can do because of them. I can cry out for help, I can trust, I can have peace and security even in the midst of troubles. I'm so thankful for the reminders that the relationship with God is more valuable than anything I could ever name and though I fail a thousand times He still lifts me up and holds me and reminds me that He is there.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself,' the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."' -Lamentations 3:22-24
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