Making Choices is Simply About Making One Choice

"You split the sea so I could walk right through it, my fears were drowned in perfect love...." if you want a great mantra for the day/week I highly recommend  No Longer Slaves...it is fantastic and quite catchy.

Like many people, I struggle making decisions, especially when those decisions will affect not only the upcoming days and weeks, but also years. Who doesn't worry about making a wrong choice that they will have to live with?  Especially living abroad, I struggle with the choices of when is it time to come home...when is it time to get the permanence...my year to year life has been lacking. I long to be home close to my family again, but then of course like the natural born planner, I think forward to what that would look like. I would be close to family, but living alone in an empty apartment and having to shoulder the burden of rent. car insurance, loneliness and the stress of American life seems like an impossible task as well. Will I regret leaving?....will I regret staying?.... I'm sure most of us have been given the impossible task of choosing between cross roads that each hold a piece of your heart, but lack what the other cross road possesses.

I've come to the following conclusion and I think this alone will save me and perhaps many of you have come to this same realization. There is only one choice and that is to stay in God's will. I've realized that a lot of my dreams...to be near my family, to be married, have children, make an impact, be a good teacher....cannot hold the key to my happiness. If I chase after one of them, I will discover, it is simply a mirage because the things of this world are simply that. a smokescreen that can never satisfy us.

I've discovered that the times when I have felt complete and whole is when I felt that I am where God wants me to be.  I don't want to be married, I don't want to go home and I don't want to have children if those dreams aren't part of God's will. I kind of understand a little bit more of Jesus's words when he said "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers and sisters and yes even their own life cannot be my disciple." -Luke 14:26  It's not a hate of those beautiful things, but a realization that the best life has to offer will never satisfy if it isn't part of God's will and you "hate" those things because you realize if you choose them over God, your life will be filled with regret.

One of my biggest pet peeves and I've said this on several occasions, so bear with me, is when people say "what a sacrifice you're making living abroad." Let me tell you, I am not sacrificing anything. I am super selfish being here. I am here, because I know if I were anywhere else right now I would be sacrificing because I would be unsatisfied and restless. 3 years ago, I didn't want to leave my comfortable life, but I began to feel restless and as if there was an itch I couldn't scratch. Only, when I decided to come did I find peace. Here in the Dominican Republic, I have had that peace, not because life has always been easy or that I haven't longed to be home, but because I know for whatever reason God has, here is where I'm supposed to be, so I will selfishly stay for now, so that I can live a life where I feel complete.

"I'm no longer a slave of fear...I am a child of God..." I love these lyrics, because I'm learning to trust God. I don't have to be afraid if I trust that He will lead me. I hope someday to "earn" or to "gain" some of those dreams listed above...it's my plan of course that those things happen, but I do realize that God's plan is bigger than my own and the difference between mine and His is that His alone can fulfill my life. My prayer for all of you on this lovely Tuesday evening is that "God's will be done (in your life)  on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Southern Belles

So I'm writing this from my ghost town: Santo Domingo. Walking down the streets and actually being able to see the streets is a new experience Usually the streets are packed with cars with horns blaring, but today, the streets echo with silence. Even the banks are closed as the whole country has packed up and high-tailed it to the beach or to visit their families in the campo leaving the city stripped of the chaos  making it almost peaceful.

As most of you, I'm sure are very well aware, this weekend is Easter, making this week Spring Break, Semana Santa, Holy Week, Holiday, you name it as long as it means a week with no school which is definitely a much needed sanity check at this stage of the school year. Lucky for me, I got a mini break right before Spring break when my friend Courtney decided to brave the adventure of flying solo to visit me for the first time.  We decided to visit the south coastal city of Barahona. I had never been there before, but won a free two-night stay at a tropical lodge so could not pass up that opportunity.

We ended up staying in a river suite which we think might have been the honeymoon suite as the whole bathroom was made of glass. It was so beautiful though and it was ironic that the lodge greatly resembled beach front property as it had palm trees, an infinity pool and overlooked the ocean that stretched for miles. Our suite on the other hand resembled a forest area and the trees were very different from the lodge only a couple minutes' walk away.  To the right you see the view from the back of our lodge. (the river and trees) To the left is the view from the main lodge area.

It was so much fun relaxing and enjoying the Dominican breakfasts  that we found out were complimentary, what a fun surprise!! The Dominicans don't do waffles, pancakes or the traditional breakfast, but what they do, they do well. The mangu, salami and fried cheese are heavenly. I would eat them all day every day...if I knew how to actually make it.

I think the most fun of the trip was adventuring once more with Courtney. There is something so special about seeing familiar faces. Seeing someone you love that you haven't seen in a very long time is much like releasing a breath you never knew you were holding.




 We had the chance to go on several excursions through the hotel. Some I would definitely recommend such as ziplining and the beach trip to the local pebble beach which were very hot stones, but it was nice not having to worry about getting sand everywhere. I probably would not recommend the bike/hike to the waterfall, since that ended up being more of an adventure than either of us had bargained for. The hike was hard to its own as we had to scramble over slippery rocks, but the hardest part ended up being the bike ride. We found out along the way that the path started out as dirt, but after a couple of meters, turned into solely loose irregular shaped rocks and the way included many steep inclines and dissents. For anyone who is a biker you should know that riding uphill on loose rock, it is near impossible to get traction and riding downhill on loose rocks, you better hold on tight because braking or turning are pretty much out of the question. I did blow a bike tire for the first time ever after careening down one such hill. Luckily and I have no idea how we managed, neither one of us fell down, though after my tire blowout, we did begin walking up and down most hills so the predicted 2 hour hike turned into 3.5 hours.

I love exploring this country and finding more and more things to love about it. So often we get trapped into our little bubbles that we don't take the time to lift our eyes and see the world that God has created for us. I love seeing God's power and strength in water, his peace in the wind, his steadfastness in mountains.

Psalm 8:3-4 says it best, "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?

May you remember especially in this Easter season that Jesus wasn't simply a good man who died on the cross and whom God chose to raise to life again. May we remember the absurdity, yet truth that God, the most powerful being who created everything we can see, taste, touch, smell and hear, chose to humble himself to be like one of his own creation, as handicapped and powerless as we are, to save us. When we consider the work of God's hands and witness everything He has created and how powerful and glorified he truly is, how outrageously ridiculous is it that He would care for the likes of us?!?

Common Sense...a Rare Sight in First Grade

I love my little coworkers..but .it's hard keeping up with 14 little people who are proving day in and day out that common sense truly isn't that common. I want to share some little anecdotes  of things you'd be shocked I've had to actually explain to the students.


1. Hitting someone in the head with a ball hurts them- I had one kid just today...whip a big exercise ball at another kid's head and when the kid started to cry seemed...genuinely confused. I had to explain that hitting someone in the head with a ball is actually only fun for the one person...and that if you want friends..it's not a game that you want to play repeatedly.

2. Play-doh, Kleenexes and paper are not a food group.  I've had to explain this concept to several of my students. Paper found on the ground or name tags taped to the table are not actually free food laying around. Also...putting play-doh in tissues and chewing on it isn't a good substitute for chewing gum. Surprise surprise.

3. Hiding a toy in your pocket does not make it invisible-One of my personal favorites. When I ask a student to put a toy away because it is distracting... and so I watch him walk it to his backpack...stuff it in his pocket and then walk back with a guilty look on his face....with his hand stuffed in his pocket. Oh my little children...I see you..

4. The teacher only has two hands- I have about 10 students begging my attention at one time and sometimes I will say...could you count my hands... They will say two and I will ask if they both are busy... I tell them I would love to help them...but right now I physically can't, so if they find something that they can do without help and wait until I am free to come to them...I will

5. It really doesn't matter if you are first in line- I would think being first in line to go from recess back to the classroom would be the worst position, but they fight over it like crazy. Pushing and shoving to make sure they stay the first ones back to the classroom.

6. If you fall down, it doesn't necessarily mean you are hurt- I have kids who are running and fall down and start screaming and crying and then after a little while..you help them up and brush them off and they realize that they really weren't injured at all. There is not a scrape on them. Falling down...doesn't necessarily equate injury.

7. Hiding Under a Table or Rolling Yourself into the Carpet as a Burrito Does Not Make You Invisible-Believe it or not...the carpet lump is in fact noticable.

8. If you don't use words,  no one can understand you- I have many kids who can cry on cue for dramatic effect. I have to explain to them that though it gets our attention, we have no idea what they want or what happened unless they actually use words, so until they are ready to do that...no matter how hard I want to, I cannot help.

9. A story about one time your grandpa took you fishing...is not the correct response when asked if you have any questions- So many times if I ask students if they have any questions...I get these long stories about something that has nothing to do with the matter at hand...thank you for letting me know your mom likes the color red...but that has little to do with our craft of making a santa claus.

10. If you want to get away with forgery, don't forge the teacher's name and then give it to said teacher. - My favorite all time common sense lesson was when a child wrote my name in crayon on a signature line and then turned in the paper. HMMMM...

So there you have it 10 little common sense lessons...that my students are learning.or have learned so far this year...

A bumpy start to 2018.

It has been a very long while since I last wrote...someone could jokingly say a year ago..I guess it's just that so much has gone on...it's hard sometimes to manipulate emotions and events into neat little letters and words and paragraphs.

January was a month full of these messy events that are hard to dictate and even harder to put pen (or hand to keyboard) I think though sometimes it is important to share the good, the bad and the ugly because then we get to see how the different puzzle pieces of life fit together. The bright colors of joyful times and the darker hues of times that challenged us and made us stronger.

January was definitely a character building month. I'm not saying anything drastic happened, but there were events that were emotionally and physically overwhelming. First off, I nearly got deported out of the Dominican Republic. Because I didn't have the right forms handy, I was told I wouldn't be able to enter the country and was physically walked out to where the plane was supposed to be to ship me back to the states. Oh the irony of being an American kicked out of a 3rd world country...trust me I know.

The only reason I'm still in the country is the plane I was "supposed" to take had already left and there wouldn't be another one until the following day. Since, they had no where to put me, they let me  in on the arrangement I would show them the proper forms the next time I traveled through. Of course, when I reached luggage claim, mybaggage had already come and gone and there was literally no one from my airline on site. Apparently they had all gone home since the last flight in (mine) had left hours ago.

So, with no luggage and feeling very fragile and vulnerable, I had to walk the gauntlet of greeters eager to welcome their friends and families. So you can probably imagine, I looked quite out of place...walking by myself  through balloons, welcome banners and smiling faces, with tears streaming down my cheeks. You could've heard a pin drop.

That day, definitely would not rate among my highest here, but luckily it is the past. I'm hoping that some day, not yet, it will make a great story or perhaps give me street cred. I also am happy to report that when I went back to the airport the next day to get my luggage, they did not deport me as my paranoia hypothesized. I did bring my body guard, aka Rovian, though I'm not sure he knew that's why I begged him along. Surprise!

A week later in January, my roommate decided that leaving Santo Domingo and returning to the States was the right move for her. I'm not going to get into the details, but it was definitely an overwhelming experience for all involved as we tried to adjust to the "new normal" Having to say goodbye to someone who was a big part of my life here in Santo Domingo and adjusting to being the sole occupant of the apartment was difficult. No more prophetic words were spoken than "It is not good for man to live alone," oh man is it hard.

I also had to say goodbye to my very favorite furry friend who was my cuddle buddy, he was even named after Rovian himself and shared in the same goofy personality. Little Rovi, was one of Amy's kittens that I had been hoping to keep after she left, but the school told me that since I would probably have a new roommate who may or may not have the same affinity for cats, they wouldn't allow him to stay. So, I worked with Amy to find him and his "sister" a forever home that would be just as worthy as the home we had here at the apartment.

So there you have January all summed up in a messy smeary storm cloud painting. The silver linings in the clouds are there as well. I see the life savers God threw me shining through the events, so that I was never drowning, but always knew I had something to hold onto. God was there in the airport on that emotional high day. He was there in the security guard who was trying his very best to comfort a blubbering little confused gringa.

He was there in helping to carry the load and burden on my shoulders of the emotions that came with saying goodbye to my roommate. He was there in the love and kindness of Rovian, who washed dishes, played games and who sat and listened to every story, every problem, every prayer throughout the entire experience.

As a new month starts, I want to say that I do not fear Januarys anymore or months like that. I know that there will be terrible, heart wrenching pain ahead that is far worse than I've faced, but I also know that we serve a God who is greater than the world, who is greater than those problems and will send peace, so that in those moments we will not fear. I pray for you right now, wherever you are, that you will be reminded that God loved you so much that He died a horrible death rather than let you go and though your sorrows may reign in the darkness..mercy, grace and hope will come with the dawning of the sun.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

No Countdowns This Year.

Every year I have been in the Dominican Republic I have had a running countdown for Christmas break. Usually it has started in October around when I've purchased my tickets and every day I used to check it for how many days until I get to go home...This year I don't have a countdown.

I don't have a countdown because this is my first year in a while that I haven't felt burnt out. I'm not counting down the days because I don't want them to go fast. I love spending time with my little ones every single day. I was so nervous about teaching first grade when I started and tried my very best to switch to upper elementary and now I'm so so so glad that God kept me here.

Being a first grade teacher definitely walks that line between teacher and mom more than the older grades. You cannot give an assignment and then check out or walk into or out of the classroom unnoticed. First grade demands a lot emotionally...but it also gives a lot emotionally. I probably sound most like a mom when I say I really love all my kids in their own little unique ways.

I love the boy who sneezed during a Christmas presentation and then looked at me horrified and said, "Miss Nussbaum why didn't you say, 'bless you?'"

I love the girl who chased me around the playground with 10 hula hoops to "catch me" while I was on recess duty and was very successful in moments when I was watching others and was unaware of her.

I love the boy who crawled into my lap when he accidentally banged his head.

I love the boy who escaped gym class to sneak to my classroom because he had fallen down and wanted reassurance.

I love the two girls who after I put one picture made for me on our cabinets,  they took it upon themselves to make pictures and put them up  so the cabinet was no longer blue, but a sea of drawings.

I love that all my students created their own conga line to the song Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in the classroom.

and most of all I love the moments when the students after struggling and struggling with a concept finally get it and are so so proud of themselves and want to share it with the world.

My favorite part of my job is that for a small window of time I get to be part of their lives. They may not remember the little moments, but maybe and hopefully some of their future decisions will be impacted by some of the lessons they learned in first grade.

Not Just a Typical Sunday Morning

Being in a new place is exciting, adventurous, and amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But some days it is hard living away from the people and the culture you are most familiar with. There is always a little bit of an awkward period between moving to a place and feeling completely settled. I think the "lonely days" spread out. For example at the beginning maybe once or twice a week, toward the end maybe once a month, but everyone I believe in a new place experiences a lonely day every once in a while.

This past weekend, I had a "vulnerable" day. Rovian had gone to Jarabacoa, and some of the other people I hang out with were busy and so I was feeling a little bit of cabin fever and lonely. I often don't mind going to church by myself, but on Sunday, I was feeling a little apprehensive about sitting by myself in church and standing out in the crowd as one of the only "gringas." I went to church anyway. I snuck into the back a little late and sat a couple seats down by some Americans, hoping maybe they might say hi. I hadn't even asked God for someone, I just was feeling a little low. God saw me, though. He saw me.

In the middle of a song I look in front of me and I saw a girl, as I looked closer, I realized she looked more and more like one of my running buddies from Jarabacoa. I literally ran down the aisle  and there she was, sitting in my church. She apparently had been visiting the capital with her dad and boyfriend. I stood there and I cried. I felt overwhelmed by God's love, that He saw me and wanted to show me His love, even before I ever petitioned him for it.


But of course, God didn't let this be the end of the story.In my four months of attending that church, I have never seen a person from Jarabacoa, but in this one morning church service, there ended up being several people from Jarabacoa. During offering, another couple we knew from Jarabacoa sought us out. Their little family had been visiting in-laws in the capital. At the end of the service another group of people from Jarabacoa appeared, having been visiting the capital as well.  Finally, I was approached by an American woman from the church, who sought me out from the crowd to ask me about myself.

When God gives, He doesn't give as humans give, He gives over abundantly. I have been reading through the miracles of Jesus and you see how time and time again he responds over and beyond what is required. If someone is dead or sick, Jesus touches them and they don't just start to get better, they immediately get up and begin to walk and talk. If there isn't food, Jesus breaks bread and not only is everyone fed, there are baskets and baskets of leftovers.  Why does God do this? Why doesn't He just meet the basic need and go on. I think God wants to show us that His love for us is infinite. He doesn't just want us to have some things. He wants us to have EVERYTHING! He didn't just send an angel to save us (not saying it would've worked), He sent his ONLY son.

In this moment in church, I was overwhelmed. Because I realized, God demands so much of us, not for selfish reasons, but because He loves us. Because He is good and He wants us not only to have a good life here, but to actually have and experience what He has, an eternity in Heaven. That is the most extreme over abundant gift I have ever heard of. God wants to share His home with our homeless souls until the end of time. Amen to a good God whose power never ends and whose love for us is unimaginable and undeserving.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."- 2 Corinthians 9:8

Day to Day Life in a Foreign Country

It's been a while since I posted, I would like to say that it's been because I've been super busy, but it's probably more because there really haven't big grand moments to talk about. And I guess this blog is just going to be about the day to day...what it really means to live as an expat in a different country and that it isn't always as scary or as romanticized as we tend to make it in our heads.

This is officially my third year living in the Dominican Republic and I can scarcely believe it. Before coming here, I probably couldn't even show you the country on a map let alone tell you anything about it.  I just want to share some things I've learned during this journey and how I've grown over the past three years and of course as the school teacher I am, I'm going to make a list so bear with me.

1. Cultures are different, but that doesn't necessarily make one better- One big thing I've learned is that so often subconsciously (or not) we think our own culture is superior because that is how everyone does things where we are. However, being able to truly invest in another culture, I have had the opportunity to see that different doesn't always mean bad. For example, here the people are much more care free and laid back. This characteristic definitely stresses Americans out who don't have the patience to wait in long lines or months for a repair man to finally show up, but it has its advantages when socializing with other people and not constantly feeling your blood pressure soar toward the roof. Also, some things that I thought were super weird when I arrive like throwing away toilet paper, are super normal to me now, like why would you flush paper...weird right?

2. English is harder to understand than Spanish-  I struggle understanding Spanish speakers, but I really struggle understanding Spanish speakers talking in English. Who is with me? If I expect to hear Spanish and they attempt to say something in English, I'm usually trying to find the spanish word and get so confused. So, understanding Spanish is much easier I've realized than understanding English with a heavy Spanish accent...who knew?

3. Standing out like a sore thumb- I'm beginning to understand how immigrants feel in the United States. No matter how long they've lived there or how much they have acclimated to the culture, they will always be the foreigners because of how they look. It kind of feels ironic that in the states, it is the people with darker skin that often stand out, well here my pale skin and blonde hair highlight the fact that I was definitely not born in this country. The weirdest part for me actually, has been going back to the States and being "normal" after months of being the "americana" "gringa" and "rubia" I feel like we have a little bit of reverse discrimination because the oddball Americans are treated better than the resident Dominicans.

4. No matter where you go, people are still people and you are still you- This sounds odd, but let me explain. When you go to a new place, you often expect big grand differences and life changing situations, but in reality, most often, things are pretty similar to life back home. People are still people. No matter where you go, you will find people who are very much like you and who you can connect with and people who are very different from you. Also, your habits will follow you to your new place for better or worse. For example, my habit of watching television while completing lesson plans, has definitely followed me here and I have spent waay too much time watching shows while planning and of course the seasonal hallmark movies are a must.

5. You will change- It won't happen over night, but being in a new culture will change you. I didn't really think about this fact until someone came to visit me after not seeing me since I had just arrived in the country a year earlier. They remarked on the fact that I seemed "older" and "different"  somehow in a way they couldn't describe. As we adapt to the new culture, we adjust different parts of ourselves and we become somewhat different than when we started. I think from being in this culture, I have become less stressed and worried about what others think and definitely I lot more blunt about what I think. For better or worse, a think a piece of Dominican culture will always be a part of me.

6. People are still people....you are still you....and GOD IS STILL GOD-  This is my favorite part about being here: that I can visibly see how God transcends cultures, countries and languages. How a poor Dominican farmer, can cry out to the same God with tears in his eyes and that God hears him and that God knows him and that He knows me. We hear the words omniscient and omnipresent and all knowing all the time associated with God, but being able to physically glimpse how he touches people and speaks to people simultaneously in their own language is astounding.  We worship a God...a God who can be at all places at all times, speak in all languages at all times and know everything that goes on at all times. WOW! And the fact that he takes the time to know us each individually is incredible. Of course the rocks would cry out...How Great is Our God?????